Falling Feet First
by CubicleOfThoughts
Summary: A new version of my already written story, "Five Little Things". This is based on an older Clare and friends. Enjoy! Warning, very sad.


**This is a special story that relates to an older version of **_**Five Little Things.**_** Enjoy!**

* * *

So many people who look at me judge me for what I look like, not who I am. I'm bald and skinny, pale and flimsy but who's to say I'm not something truly amazing if not spectacular? My name is Clare, and this is my memories of the few months I had before I left earth to ascend to the heavens above.

When I was 13 I was diagnosed with terminal gastric cancer. It's so rare very few people have survived it; I among the many who didn't.

The day I found out I was going to die, I didn't take it seriously; if anything I thought it was some kind of joke. Who knew the reality of my fate was more real now than it had ever been before. The hospital I resided was old but had a good staff; the people who passed by were friendly but also so sad looking. Every night when the sun went down my mom who stayed the days with me went home and my dad would appear for the night shift as if I were some kind of job no one liked but had to go to daily.

I had very few nights where I could sleep fully or at all. Most of the time my mind would drift off but my body wouldn't allow me to rest. I never had many visitors only mom and dad. As I look back to that time I realize I didn't have many friends only three and they all were oblivious to the fact that I was sick. My family and I moved down to the other end of town to where the hospital was that was treating me. I didn't want them to feel pity on my at all so I told my parents to tell them we moved across to the states. I got occasional texts from Bianca or Adam but never Eli. I really only wanted Eli to find happiness in whatever he did. He asked me out once and I said someday our fates will take charge and we will know when the time is right if not now then then. I hate to say it but I was crazy about him but when he turned 14 he met the amazing and beautiful Imogen and they were perfect for each other. I am glad now that he had her but jealousy still is inside me from this all. How is life fair when all you want is right in front of you this whole time?

I don't know why things happen the way they do but I do know that if you are good on this earth it will pay off in the end.

One thing I think back on a lot was this silly list I made when I found out I was sick; _five things to do before I die._ It was dumb but I tried to get it all done before I died. The first thing on my list was to drive a car. I was not legally allowed to drive but after my dad talked to the police in the area they all decided to let me have one full day of just fun and driving as long as I stayed in the restricted area they blocked off from freeway 25 to freeway 34. It was miles of bliss that only I got to do with the help of many people. I had just turned 14 when I got behind the wheel, I knew I would only get to drive once but beside that small fact my parents still surprised me with the car I had dreamed of since I was 8 years old. A cherry red convertible with duel engines and so much power it could beat any other car on the road. I felt alive for the first time in a year when I got to cross that very large task off my list. It wasn't just driving; it was a goodbye in a way. Has anyone ever got the rights to do doughnuts in the middle of the freeway without the cops thinking you're some loony-tune nut? Nope just me!

The next thing I had on my list was to have a head full of my beautiful hair one more time. Now I know from chemo and everything else that wasn't possible so I sort of put that off until a late June night. As usual I was sitting in my bed watching some late-night cartoons when the door to my hospital room opened. I usually don't think much of it because nurses were in and out all hours day and night but that night was different. I looked up from the glaring television screen and saw a face that glowed. She smiled brightly at me yet she has shiny eyes as if tears were begging to fall. There stood my best friend since I was 2; Bianca. She looked at me then at my sleeping dad buried in a stack of papers for work. She smiled a little and I waved her to enter. She hesitated a little but shortly walked over to my bedside and looked me over. She covered her mouth and let a small sob escape her lips.

"Hey, its ok don't cry." I said to her. She looked me over once more and said back,

"Why did you say you moved to the states when you were only across town and…" she choked on another sob and continued, "so sick." I sat up to the best of my abilities and grabbed her hand which she had on the railing of my bed. She looked down on me and tears poured from both our eyes as I finally answered her question.

"Because I didn't want you to see me die." She shook her head and was stumped for words. Bianca always had something to say but I think finally even she was stumped for words. I don't remember much else of that night, only us talking occasionally and her asking about my cancer to how much I missed my hair. I must have fallen asleep at some point that night because when I woke up she was gone and back was my mother talking to the nurse about food for me. Nothing different there.

I spent the next few days after that wondering if I imagined it all until another late night happened. In came Bianca but she wasn't alone this time. Trailing behind her were Adam and Eli. All three of them looked me over and the two boys were in complete shock and Bianca was ok since she had seen it all already. Something was off that night though. Bianca was wearing a black and red hoodie and the hood was covering most of her head and she looked a little off. I keep starring at her until she finally came and sat on my bed next to me and pulled the hood off. She smiled brightly and said,

"I think the bald style works!" I gasped the laughed so hard my heart monitor went off like fireworks on the fourth or July. She leaned over and hugged me tight and whispered in my ear only loud enough that I could hear, "_I will always be here for you, bald or long locks we're blood sisters forever and always."_ She made me feel the slightest bit better just by the smallest gesture.

Eli and Adam both remained silent until the night nurse Megan came in. She told them they had to be out in five minutes so make it count. Neither of them spoke a word to me that night. Only whispers and words I heard that were directed towards me were from Bianca.

It had been two weeks since all that and it finally hit me, who told them where to find me? I still was baffled for a long time after that.

So, is heaven all that people make it out to be? I guess you will have to find out yourself or die trying. So far I can see why life is so precious, not many people can honestly say their lives have had meaning, not many can say they were truly happy.

It was now a month after I saw Eli or Adam. Both avoided my realm as if I were some creature that was to kill them if they entered. Bianca on the other hand came by almost every day and she would bring me magazines and candy. The most amazing thing she did for me was that she donated all her hair she cut off to the cancer society to make a wig for some sick human. She never was selfish, she was selfless if anything.

I spent a few days looking over my list when I came to number three; it was a simple one. According to the paper I had written it said to kiss a random stranger without a thought in the world. I remember when I put this on the list, in my mind it would be hilarious to see their reaction when I kiss-and-run.

The person I choose has to be the first one I see. So while I think about the person, I got up out of my bed and grabbed my old person walker and went to the door. I leaned against the frame and waited for the first person to walk past. I stood there for only two minutes until I spotted the person I was to kiss. I walked right up to them and grabbed them and planted a quick kiss on their incredibly chapped lips. I let them go and looked up at my victim. I nearly busted a gut when I saw it was Adam of all people; he was carrying a bag of fast food and a blush to go with it.

"What the hell was that?" Adam said as we walked back into my room. I laughed a little and handed him my list. He looked it over and saw the date and highlighted section for today. He grinned and kissed my cheek before saying,

"This is strange even for you but I am glad it was me and not some disease infected weirdo you saw." We both laughed and eventually settled down.

Adam and I talked a little while my mind raced. Eventually we came to a comfortable silence when I asked him,

"Why are you here?" He just gave me a sad look and told me it was because he needed to make peace with my illness and become friends with me again. I felt like crap when he shed tears explaining his reasoning to me. I missed all three of my best friends so much but I knew not telling them would keep them happier. I wish it had remained that way.

It was a few days after that that I decided to tackle number four on my list. My time was cutting shorter and shorter as I waited to get all these done so I had to dive in as quickly as I could if I wanted to finish all five tasks.

The task that took number four was a little more tough but doable in this prison of a hospital; Learn_ to cook._ That is something I have always wanted to do but didn't know how. I had no clue how to get the ball rolling so I pushed the nurse help button.

Not even thirty seconds later a swarm of nurses and medical assistants came bolting in. I laughed at their urgency but quickly said,

"It isn't an emergency; I just needed help with something." My daytime nurse waved them off to leave and she took a seat on the stool next to my bed.

"What can I do for you, Clare?" I smiled a little before answering.

"I want to complete number four on my list of things to do before I die and number four is to learn how to cook. I don't know how to do this on my own or even in a hospital." She gave me a sly smile and ran out in the hall. I just looked at the door with a look or curiosity. Not even a minute later she emerged back into the room with a wheel chair and a key card.

The crazy nurse rolled me out of my room and took me into the restricted area of the cafeteria. She walked over to the tall chef and whispered something to him and they both laughed. I don't think many people can honestly say they learned how to cook from inside the hospital café. People always have a stereotype of how the food tastes when it is blissfully amazing. This was an epic day of mini fires, spilt oil and eventually a half decent fried chicken and mashed potatoes. No one could ever take that memory away from me; it was too precious.

The days went by quickly and I saw less of my parents as they both had to work to get my medical bills paid. The more that time flew the less I wanted to stay strong. My body was tired and so was my mind. I had one thing left to do and I knew today I had no choice but to complete my list. It was a hearty one but I needed to do this.

I picked up my phone and called Bianca and told her to bring Adam and Eli up here so I could talk to all three of them as well as give them all something. Of course she replied immediately to my request and would be right here.

I went through all my jewelry I had on me and plucked off three simple things I would like for them to have. This would be a remembrance of me to them all.

It didn't take long before they all got here and I went straight to work.

"Bianca, I love you as my best friend and my sister. You have been there through thick and thin and better to worst. I want you to have my diamond necklace and keep it safe for as long as you desire. I want you to wear it whenever you miss me." She had tears pouring down her face and she said,

"I will keep this safe and loved as much as you did. I can't believe this is it Clare." We hugged as much as I could stand and she left the room. Next up was Adam. He smiled slightly at me and I handed him my plain green and black bracelet. He looked at it and said,

"This is the one we made together when we were 10 and at camp." I nodded and said,

"I think you should have it to remember the good times we had. I want you to remember me healthy not this sick person before you." He too cried and we hugged. I felt awful but he needed to have a little closure.

Finally there was Eli. He walked in and hesitantly sat next to my bed. I just stared for a moment before grabbing his hand and giving him my most prized possession; my purity ring." He looked at me shocked and I said,

"You may have Imogen but I still wanted you to have my ring. We may have never had slept together or even kissed but…" I didn't get to finish my sentence before Eli's lips were on mine. He crushed my lips as he kissed me with so much passion and desire. I of course kissed him back and smiled a little as he continued. Eli finally let go of the kiss and looked me in the eyes. He smiled and let an innocent blush cascade across his cheeks as he said,

"I love you, Clare." At that point I knew my list was complete as was my time on earth.

* * *

**Hey guys, this is a little thing I had to do. I wrote the story **_**Five Little Things, **_**and many people requested me to write a similar story close to that plot so here it is. I don't know much about this but I do know it is my actual last time writing. Thank you all so much for inspiring me one last time and making me feel warm and fuzzy. I love you all and I hope you review this for me. Thanks so much!**


End file.
